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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My Life Is Messy ATM

I think I may get kicked out of college... it's that bad.
And I finally said it...
And I'm sad and scared and overwhelmed with.... myself.
I feel incompetent. I feel stupid. I feel like a burden.

But I'm not stupid.... I know betetr somewhere deep inside of me.


But then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?

I don't want to make excuses for myself... But I don't think I'm okay.
I feel sick :-(

My thoughts and my feelings are all just rotting inside of me... wanting to get out. But when I try to say it... I can't. I don't have words. I jsut have a really weird sensation of wanting to scream. And kick. And yet... to do nothing.

I can't tell you how I feel... I have all the thoughts.... I can express it perfectly well cto myself.... but god forbid I try to write it or type it or say it...

I keep dissappointing myself.

Btw about a week ag. - or two... it could have been two, I don't remember, I just remember it was on the weekend - I told my mom I think I need a therapist... I was afraid to say anything. I thought she'd think something else, as she usually does. But I did and she agreed... she thinks it would be good for me.

But I haven't looked into it.

I'm tiered and overwhelmed. Please remind me to look into it?

-A dissappointed cat.

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